Die my dear Doctor? That's the last thing I shall do!

“Die my dear Doctor? That’s the last thing I shall do!”

— Henry John Temple Palmerston, last words, Prime Minister of GB (1855-1858 and 1859-1865)

I'm terrified. On Thursday 2nd December, 2021 - my wife will be dropping me off at King's Mill Hospital, UK for gallbladder removal surgery under general anaesthetic.

If you read my previous article - http://www.hdd23.com/blog/guess-whos-back-back-again/20/11/2021 - you'll know I've been expecting the operation for a while. In fact, my life has effectively been on pause awaiting it!

Surgery is the only viable route for my condition. I have every confidence in my surgeon. I have every confidence in the NHS. I have every confidence in the process.

“A man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears.”

— Michel de Montaigne - 1580

I've put myself in a good position. Nutrition, blood pressure control, MRSA/COVID precautions et cetera, but logic often does not overcome emotion. That emotion is fear, plain and simple.

In a similar vein (see what I did there) - to what I mentioned in my previous blog here - http://www.hdd23.com/blog/guess-whos-back-back-again/20/11/2021 - it's ironic and humbling to note that offering wise advice to others seems to be a million miles away from taking that same advice oneself!

This week has been an emotional rollercoaster. I was literally minutes away from returning to work when the hospital called and said they had a date for surgery.

After that phone call, I began to catastrophise. I sank into a rapid depression. What will my wife do? What about my children? What about my unfinished projects? How will I be remembered? What could/should I have done differently in my life?

I then realised how fragile life is. All we have is the moment.

I'm not perfect, far from it but on reflection, I've realised what actually matters.

“carpe diem quam minimum credula postero - pluck the day, trusting as little as possible in the next one”

— Horace - 23 BC

Otherwise known as “Seize the Day”

For me, what truly matters is clearly discerned when you truly face the prospect of your own demise. For me it has distilled down to the following.

• My wife, Maria

• My mum, Ruth

• My estranged children, Daniel and Amy

• Precious memories I've made through laughter and shared experience

I'm hoping my next Blog Post is far more cheerful! Chances are I will survive the surgery and have a renewed appreciation for the gift of life which we all enjoy. I promise to let you know either way . . .

In the words of Jerry Springer, take care of yourselves - and each other.

CHRIS SADLER

Guess who's back, back again?

I've been accused of being slim, and occasionally being shady, but never of being a super-cool rapper so hopefully he won't sue me for nicking his lyrics . . .

Me and my wife, Maria

As many people who know me will be aware - I've had quite the year.

March 2021 - Bleed on the brain stroke. Recovery ongoing.

September 2021 - Acute pancreatitis and gallstones - awaiting keyhole surgery for removal. This is delayed due to ongoing anaesthesia concerns related to ongoing exploration of cardiology issues.

For the first time in my life, I'm off work. I promised myself I would do so much with the gift of time bestowed on me. Let's just say there was a long list, and blogging on here was on that list. Bearing in mind the distinct lack of activity in that sphere, I think we can both guess how well the overall list is going!

That said, I have done much which has brought joy and meaning. Being able to spend more time with my amazing wife Maria, building a home office, cooking at home for the family to name just 3 things.

I'm a keen mental health advocate, and always encourage folk to speak up. "It's OK to not be OK".

It's significant, humbling and affirming to admit that I stopped speaking up myself! Recently, I found myself slipping into depression and denial. All that proves that speaking up really is important!

My wife is an amazing woman. She has the patience of a Saint. I'm not the easiest person to live with. Autism can often make you disconnect from emotion, and not appreciate the impact of one's actions on others.

Being the woman she is, she waited until I was ready to speak up. A few heart to hearts later, and I'm back in the room!

In tomorrow's blog post, I'll update with some details of what I'm working on and also what matters to me about the difference I feel I can make.

Whilst I hope you find it interesting, the primary motivator is to commit myself to a journey of self-discovery.

This year has truly showed me how precious life is.

I'm actually rather glad to be alive!

The kaleidoscopic lens of a neurodiverse condition is beginning to slowly bring into focus the multi-faceted beauty of life.

Catch you tomorrow . . . .

CHRIS SADLER

Just married!!

• ANYONE FOR CAKE?

 My wife and I , Maria Sadler (neé Ginnelly) would like to tell the world how much we love each other.

We have had the most amazing time today.

Every person who reads this can take a slice of happiness home. There's more than enough to go round! :-)

THANK YOU

Not a hard drive in sight . . . . .

Thank you!

Thanks to all my online friends for the many Birthday wishes. I'm truly overwhelmed! 

I think I'll celebrate by renewing my commitment to this Blog and Web Site.

If there's anything Geeky you would like me to Blog about, please get in touch.

Newcastle & Gateshead

Off to see my best mate, Phil in Gateshead, UK for 3 days.

I can't wait.

Beer and video games here I come.

Well we all need a break from Geekiness at some point . . . 

More Post on the Riemann Hypothesis are in progress, however.

Standby . . .

\[(beer + friendship)time = happiness\]

Race To The Stones - 100km (RTTS)

Morning all

Just to let you know that I have signed up for the 100km Race To The Stones sponsored by my employer, Dixons Carphone!

In the words of the organisers . . . 

"Take on the challenge of 100km on foot along the oldest path in Britain
The Dixons Carphone Race to the Stones is a fully supported 100km route following in the footsteps of Romans, Vikings, farmers and traders along the iconic Ridgeway. You will pass Iron Age forts, ancient burial chambers, cross the mighty Thames and the mystical down-lands of Salisbury plain on your way to the finish line next to the 3,000-year-old stone circle at Avebury.
Complete the 100km non-stop or break it into two days staying at our overnight basecamp. It’s suitable for elite runners through to keen walkers.

I must be as mad as a hatter! :-)

Looking forward to it.

View fullsize

Race To The Stones 2015

As you can see, it's for a good cause. I need to raise £500 sponsorship for my Charity, if you can help, please see my Sponsorship Page below.

Thanks for reading.

http://www.virginmoneygiving.com/ChrisSadlerHDDWhisperer

Current reading

I've spent all my life being fascinated by mathematics, especially Real Numbers.

A few weeks ago, I decided that I needed to formalise almost 40 years of ponderings.

As I have said before, the Riemann Hypothesis has intrigued me for some time

http://www.claymath.org/millenium-problems/riemann-hypothesis

There is a bizarre juxtaposition contained within my approach to this problem. It may be easier to find the answer than understand the question!

IMHO, to truly grasp the question, one would have to be at the edge of the envelope, as it were, in statistics, complex functions, differential and integral calculus, imaginary numbers, quantum mechanics - not forgetting Euclidian and non-Euclidian geometries!!

Perhaps this is why no-one has yet proved the Riemann hypothesis either way!

The 3 books I'm currently reading are these. I've presented them below in the order in which I am reading.

1. The Music of the Primes: Why an Unsolved Problem in Mathematics Matters ISBN 9781841155807

2. A Mathematician's Apology - CANTO ISBN 9780521427067

3. An Introduction to the Theory of Numbers Sixth Edition G. H. Hardy and E. M. Wright Edited by Roger Heath-Brown, Joseph Silverman, and Andrew Wiles ISBN 9780198531715

If you too have an interest in mathematics, you could do far worse than hunting down these 3 books.

What I've been up to . . .

I realise I've been absent of late as regards my website. I've become so engrossed in the Riemann Hypothesis that I've been reticent in Posting.

Professor David Hilbert sums up my unseen passion rather eloquently.

"This conviction of the solvability of every mathematical problem is a powerful incentive to the worker. We hear within us the perpetual call: There is the problem. Seek its solution. You can find it by pure reason, for in mathematics there is no ignorabimus.  "

Currently reading 3 books, whose details I will Post shortly.

Chris J Sadler