“Die my dear Doctor? That’s the last thing I shall do!”
I'm terrified. On Thursday 2nd December, 2021 - my wife will be dropping me off at King's Mill Hospital, UK for gallbladder removal surgery under general anaesthetic.
If you read my previous article - http://www.hdd23.com/blog/guess-whos-back-back-again/20/11/2021 - you'll know I've been expecting the operation for a while. In fact, my life has effectively been on pause awaiting it!
Surgery is the only viable route for my condition. I have every confidence in my surgeon. I have every confidence in the NHS. I have every confidence in the process.
“A man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears.”
I've put myself in a good position. Nutrition, blood pressure control, MRSA/COVID precautions et cetera, but logic often does not overcome emotion. That emotion is fear, plain and simple.
In a similar vein (see what I did there) - to what I mentioned in my previous blog here - http://www.hdd23.com/blog/guess-whos-back-back-again/20/11/2021 - it's ironic and humbling to note that offering wise advice to others seems to be a million miles away from taking that same advice oneself!
This week has been an emotional rollercoaster. I was literally minutes away from returning to work when the hospital called and said they had a date for surgery.
After that phone call, I began to catastrophise. I sank into a rapid depression. What will my wife do? What about my children? What about my unfinished projects? How will I be remembered? What could/should I have done differently in my life?
I then realised how fragile life is. All we have is the moment.
I'm not perfect, far from it but on reflection, I've realised what actually matters.
“carpe diem quam minimum credula postero - pluck the day, trusting as little as possible in the next one”
Otherwise known as “Seize the Day”
For me, what truly matters is clearly discerned when you truly face the prospect of your own demise. For me it has distilled down to the following.
My wife, Maria
My mum, Ruth
My estranged children, Daniel and Amy
Precious memories I've made through laughter and shared experience
I'm hoping my next Blog Post is far more cheerful! Chances are I will survive the surgery and have a renewed appreciation for the gift of life which we all enjoy. I promise to let you know either way . . .
In the words of Jerry Springer, take care of yourselves - and each other.
CHRIS SADLER
