Wow! Where does the time go? Doesn't seem like 8 days since my last Post, does it?🙂
As promised, I'd like to write a few words about "Where am I heading?"
For no particular reason, here's a pic of me as a boy . . . .
Just to prove to my colleagues that I once had hair . . .
In case you've just dropped onto this page, let me give you a little context. As a 46 year old man, I've recently started to become aware that I am on the ASD (Autistic Spectrum Disorder) diagnosis journey. By this I mean that I have become very aware of my mental limitations and also of how differently I seem to mentally process compared to a lot of my peers.
As a Product Researcher, I'm used to digging deep to find answers. How ironic it seems that I am now researching myself! In life I think we are all guilty of advising others to do that which we, ourselves should be doing.
I've often signposted others towards self-help - yet somehow missed the glaringly obvious insofar as I would have done well to take my own advise!🙂
So in summary, my journey thus far . . .
- I noticed that I have so much in common with the descriptions around neurodiversity, in particular aspects of ASD and autism
- I started an OU (Open University) free course called Understanding Autism" - see here https://www.open.edu/openlearn/science-maths-technology/understanding-autism/content-section-overview?active-tab=description-tab
- I also reached out to Remploy who initially referred me via DWP Access to Work scheme
- My employer used the internal Occupational Health (OH) scheme to refer me to Lexxic, a specialist neurodiversity practitioner
- I've filled in the referral carefully, honestly and with as much detail as possible with help from my colleagues and family
- I'm now waiting for the formal assessment process to begin
So where am I heading?
I honestly don't know . . . and that's the beauty and power of my journey. I'm going to "go with the flow" which is such a non-autistic thing to do it scares and delights me in equal measure! I am going into the assessment process with an open mind and will trust in the expertise of Lexxic.
Part of this process will be to agree "reasonable adjustments" for both myself and my employer. I'm a reasonable guy, but what is not so obvious for those not on the autism spectrum are things like the huge difficulties with external stimuli like noise. Take a look at this brilliant video (opens in a new tab/window) https://youtu.be/ycCN3qTYVyo to show you what I mean. As an adult, I can perhaps control my behaviours to the point where no-one sees my internal turmoil. As regards noise, I am hyper sensitive towards and more importantly, consciously aware of my environment. Each background noise consumes my attention, making it difficult to concentrate.
As I type this, I am in a room on my own with classical music playing softly in the background. In my home, I have a greater degree of control over my environment. This cannot always be accomplished in other situations. At work, I can hear people's conversations which I shouldn't be listening to. I am easily distracted. As I go through my assessment, I will be dealing with these challenges head on - and hope to be a better, more efficient employee and human as a result!
I've recently realised my life should not be as hard as it is! (Or as hard as I’ve perhaps made it)
"The only purpose of guilt and regret is to prompt you to change something" - Chris Sadler
So whilst I did feel guilty and regretful about the impact my behaviours have had on others, and I guess myself - that is all dissipating rapidly as I embark on this journey.
I'll stop here for now. In my next Post I'll say a few words on "Where will I end up?". Despite life being a journey and not a destination, I feel hope for the future for the first time in a long while. Losing hope is a dark place to be, and if you're reading this and feeling hopeless or helpless, don't struggle alone. Reach out to someone - you can always message me if you like and I will listen without judging.
We're all on this crazy journey called life after all.
Take care and we'll speak again soon.
Chris
